Thaakar, Jungle Attorney
THAAKAR- Dashing young upstart lawyer, raised by apes
BENJAMIN WINFIELD- Explorer
(BENJAMIN is perched awkwardly on a limb of a large jungle tree, he has a shrunken head. After a few moments, THAAKAR swings in on a vine.)
THAAKAR- Sorry to keep you waiting Mr. Winfield. Did my secretary offer you some jungle water or coffee?
BENJAMIN- No.
THAAKAR- Lisa, Mr. Winfield is thirsty!
(Big Cat roar comes from offstage.)
BENJAMIN- It’s quite alright, really.
THAAKAR- Okay. Well let me thank you again with entrusting me with your case. I think it’s obvious here that you’ve been wronged, and the damage is unfortunately irreparable.
BENJAMIN- I used to love my safari fedoras.
THAAKAR- They’re a delight! Now, if I could, I’d return your head to normal size. But since I can’t, I’m going to fight tooth and claw to get you the kind of recovery that you deserve.
BENJAMIN- You think I have a case?
THAAKAR- Voodoo malpractice cases are tough, I’m not going to lie to you about that, but we have a bloat of consulting experts very familar with curses that we can call on to state that clearly, this witch doctor acted below the standard of care. You wanted to drop a few head sizes to make yourself more appealing, I get that. But you wanted fetal alcohol syndrome small, not Schlitzie small.
BENJAMIN-It’s so light, sometimes I can hardly tell if anything is there.
THAAKAR- Let’s talk lost time, have you been unable to work?
BENJAMIN- Yes! As an explorer I spend most of my time in the field observing from afar, and keeping my presence unknown.
THAAKAR- And how has that changed since the incident?
BENJAMIN- I can’t see over bushes.
THAAKAR- Observation Spectum Diminished. Great. Are you married, or do you have a spouse?
BENJAMIN- No. Well…no.
THAAKAR- Mr. Winfield, if you do have a partner of any kind they could be entitled to a recovery as well through what is called Loss of Consortium claims. Perhaps you cannot provide the love and affection you used to now that you have a tiny head.
BENJAMIN- I see. I’m just not sure it applies.
THAAKAR- Sir, if I may. Would this have anything to do with Animal Husbandry?
BENJAMIN- (Looks shocked. Then embarassed.)….yes.
THAAKAR- Hey, no need to be ashamed. I may work in this high rise Kapok Tree but in the morning I bury my scat like everybody else. We can add a claim for your…
BENJAMIN- Toucan.
THAAKAR- Toucan. Toucan play at this game!
(They share a laugh.)
BENJAMIN- Thank you Mr. Thaakar. Really.
THAAKAR- Hey, it’s not an entirely altruistic pursuit Mr. Winfield. When we win your case, I’ll be collecting 1/3 as a fee of course.
BENJAMIN- Of course. Is there anything else you need from me now?
THAAKAR- Nothing legal wise, we should be all set to go on this. Do you have any interest in sorting through my groin for ticks?
BENJAMIN- Thanks, but I just ate.
THAAKAR- No worries. Have a great day!
(THAAKAR grabs a vine and swings off.)
BLACK OUT
